Ava Rice's Law Sloth

Bush Fan of the Year

2004-12-31T20:48:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone who voted, but there's no clear winner since no two people voted for the same fan.

Daniel voted for #53, Rebecca for #51, Evan for #4 (noting the unabomber beard and what appears to be soiled undies by his feet), and others were particularly horrified by #42, #44, #46, #24, #19, #16, #15, #12, #9, #6, and #3.

Bush Fans!

2004-12-31T13:15:00.000-05:00

Every day during finals I'll post pictures from my favorite Pro-Bush website, YoureWelcomeEverybody.com ! (the anti-sorryeverybody.com)

Bush Fan #58

2004-12-23T15:54:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm galled also.

Bush Fan #57

2004-12-23T03:55:00.000-05:00

PWNED dude! Throw up the horns: G-dub is fuckin' metal!

Bush Fan #56

2004-12-23T03:54:00.000-05:00

No, you look gay.

Bush Fan #55

2004-12-22T02:49:00.000-05:00

When hippies go bad #2.

Bush Fan #54

2004-12-22T01:58:00.000-05:00

Who says there are no fat skinheads in New York?

Bush Fan #53

2004-12-21T02:43:00.000-05:00

A+ :
- The 'your' error rate holds steady at 100%.
- You may remember me from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
- The secret of my beautiful roses? The decaying corpses in my yard.

Bush fans are illiterate creepy morons; is that why they like W.?

Bush Fan #52

2004-12-20T15:18:00.000-05:00

Look, it's Pocafatass.. celebrating redneck values by dressing up like an Indian?

Bush Fan #51

2004-12-20T03:00:00.000-05:00

He bought a shirt that says I LOVE HALLIBURTON? Seriously?

Update 12/22: Halliburton Co. said seven of its workers were among the 22 killed in the suicide attack on the mess hall that was already attacked 30 times before. Oh yeah, a sturdier structure designed to replace the mess was being built at the base, but wasn't completed in time. KBR, a subsidiary of Halliburton, was supposed to have finished already, but they've been plauged by delays. Good job again, Halliburton.

Bush Fan #50

2004-12-19T01:00:00.000-05:00

Nothing to apologize for here, it's not my fault I was born ugly! (but being fat is your fault, now that I think about it)

Anyway, THIS is what I want for Christmas!
How fucking dope is that shirt? I'd be the coolest hipster in Manhattan! You cannot expect me to believe that there are actually people in Alabama that would wear that shit sincerely - I bet every person that buys that shirt gets it as a gag gift or wears it ironically.

Please, crazy internet fans, buy me that for Xmas and I'll give you my "Lick Bush in 2004" shirt in return.

Imagine you pick up a girl, things are going really well, and when you unzip her pants you find THIS! What would you do? Would that really freak you out? Would you be able to get it up while looking at the smirking chimp wearing Santa's hat and grinning like a retard?

Bush Fan #49

2004-12-18T04:20:00.001-05:00

B-
I was going to make a joke about what he does with that cut-out, but that would be juvenile.

Bush Fan #48

2004-12-18T04:20:00.000-05:00

I got nothing to say. I dunno, C+?
But hey, wasn't this week's South Park Christmas Special awesome?

Bush Fan #47

2004-12-18T04:12:00.000-05:00

Pros: Cool sideburns, sunglasses, vest, and gun.

Cons: Half of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq might still be alive if only our troops had been properly equipped. Also, while the original war plan estimated that we'd have 50,000 troops in Iraq by the end of 2003, the White House is now pushing troop levels to 150,000.

D-.

Bush Fan Bonus

2004-12-17T21:51:00.000-05:00

The Bush White House is mentally "challanged".

Bush Fan #46

2004-12-17T03:39:00.000-05:00

Oh Jesus. "Your fellow liberal, Osama Bin Laden."
Yup, good old UBL, just another politically correct, metrosexual, blue state, tax and spend, touchy feely, peacenik, gay-marriage-supporting, godless liberal.

Do these people know what the word liberal fucking means?
Bush Fans:
Look at the FUCKING PICTURE! HE'S A VIOLENT HATE-FILLED RELIGIOUS NUTCASE POSING IN CAMO WITH A GUN!
Who does that remind you of?
Oh yeah - JUST ABOUT EVERY BUSH FAN I'VE POSTED!

And of course he loves how great Bush has been for al quaeda. He ain't going to be short on martyrs anytime soon.

Bush Fan #45

2004-12-17T01:03:00.000-05:00

I am NOT sorry for thinking with my stomach!
C for making me stoop to another fat joke.

Bush Fan #44

2004-12-16T15:55:00.000-05:00

Cheney throwing a hand grenade! Bush heroically leading our troops to victory!
You've got to be fucking kidding me; I've seen more combat than those pussies just by playing Halo 2.
A+.

Bush Fan #43

2004-12-15T02:48:00.000-05:00

C-.
WTF. A chubby dork with queer emo glasses that can barely grow a mustache, from hipster-central Austin TX, is telling me to grow some balls?
Poland? Spain? WTF??

Bush Fan #42

2004-12-15T01:18:00.000-05:00

Ok..you tell me...when you use your printer not to print but to prop up a hand-written note and then take a picture of that with your digital camera... is that clever irony? A+.

...no, it's just another example of absolute stupidity, like voting for Bush or, say, speaking for the thousands of 9/11 dead and claiming they're happy Bush is in office. That's not funny-retarded like Corky, that's offensive-retarded like George W. Bush. I guess here I should argue that NYC is about as anti-Bush as you can get, that the 9/11 widows have to fight the Bush administration tooth and nail to get them to allow any 9/11 investigation or release any of their findings*, or that Bush let 9/11 happen in the first place. What's the use. Fuck it. F.
*Why did both Bush and Cheney ask Tom Daschle to restrict investigation into the attacks? Why did they both refuse to testify to the 9-11 Omission under oath?

Bush Fan #41

2004-12-14T03:37:00.000-05:00

Another gun guy with a macintosh? He's WEARING AN APPLE SHIRT! Are Mac users gun-toting Bush fans? This gives a whole new meaning to 'think different'. Bonus: is that a law book?

Bush Fan #40

2004-12-14T03:04:00.000-05:00

Guns... check. Prissy little Mac... check.
How weird is that?

F. Couldn't you put the slightest bit of effort into the photo of your arsenal? I mean, don't just throw them in a heap, your guns deserve better than that. Organization is key for any well-regulated militia.

Bush Fan #39

2004-12-13T02:20:00.000-05:00

"FUCK France!"
"Dude! Swearing's not very Christian of you!"
"Sorry guys, my bad - F FRANCE!"
"That's better, now take your shirt off and lets wrestle!"

Bush Fan #38

2004-12-13T00:29:00.000-05:00

I'm not sorry, but I am fat.
B for being jolly.

Bush Fan #37

2004-12-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

It's true
Lesbians love Bush!

Bush Fan #36

2004-12-12T11:37:00.000-05:00

"Almost time to play.... Cowboys & Liberals!"
Dog, gun, pickup, cowboy hat....
A.

Bush Fan #35

2004-12-12T11:30:00.000-05:00

Oh no... who gave mid-life-crisis guy a gat?

Bush Fan #34

2004-12-12T11:18:00.000-05:00

I was once a big man on campus, now I'm a middle-aged douchebag.
C.

Bush Fan #33

2004-12-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

"Hey Dan, you're the darkest and most swarthy of our friends, why don't we dress you up like Osama Bin Laden, put a Kerry-Edwards sticker on your turban, and post it on the internets!"
"Sure, why not?"
F.

Bush Fan #32

2004-12-11T16:19:00.000-05:00

Prom Queens 4 Bush. D.

Bush Fan #31

2004-12-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how to grade this kid because I can't tell if he's a real cowboy, or a fake one like his president. But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and a B. He gets extra points for having a sweet compound bow on his wall instead of the usual gun. And he's doing a Lynndie!

Bush Fan #30

2004-12-10T13:38:00.000-05:00

A.
I know that 'creepy guy proudly shows off his guns' is the most tedious and common genre of Bush Fan Pictures, but this guy makes the grade because he looks like he could be your lawyer or accountant. I mean, how many of the gun lovers on this site do you think know how to tie a tie? And this guy also knows how to use photoshop - look at how weird and haunting his picture is.
*Bonus Points: I think he's wearing a flag tie. Also, valley girl use of 'SO'.

Bush Fan #29

2004-12-10T11:40:00.000-05:00

yawn... gun jerk #13. C-.

Bush Fan #28

2004-12-10T00:51:00.000-05:00

B+
What could this guy possibly do to look like more of an asshole?

Bush Fan #27

2004-12-09T02:53:00.000-05:00

Yawn. Just another close-minded authoritarian grown-up grade-school bully with an inferiority complex. D.

Bush Fan #26

2004-12-09T01:03:00.000-05:00

Shotgun boy 2
B-
He gets points for looking more like the kind of guy who'll drag you behind his pickup than number 1 does, but he loses points for lack of originality. Bonus for the (perhaps unintentional) allusion to Army of Darkness ("boomstick") and for the '4 More Years' 'engraved' on his 'boomstick'.

Bush Fan #25

2004-12-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

Shotgun boy 1.

I give him an F. He doesn't look that tough to me with his little flashlight-holder thing. Or maybe I'm not being objective, because I just visited http://fallujapictures.blogspot.com/ and he just doesn't look tough compared to the real soldiers in those pictures. Or maybe i'm just in a bad mood after checking out that slightly different political photo blog.

Bush Fan #24

2004-12-08T01:55:00.000-05:00

Ewwww... looks like that older step-brother of your best friend in middle school who would listen to Poison on his walkman and try to sit on you and fart but sometimes would let you sip some of the beer he'd sneak from the fridge or take a peek at the Playboys he kept under his bed.

80's haircut + 80's headphones + 'most beautiful country' - shirt = A+

Bush Fan #23

2004-12-08T01:40:00.000-05:00

You're proud of voting in your high school's mock election?
You're wearing ear protection in your tough guy gun-toting picture?
D+.

Bush Fan #22

2004-12-08T01:08:00.000-05:00

This guy seems pretty cool
keywestjeff@hotmail.com
A-

Bush Fan #21

2004-12-07T01:31:00.000-05:00

This pro-Bush message is brought to you by a constipated Ned Beatty wearing a blonde wig.

Bush Fan #20

2004-12-07T01:01:00.000-05:00

Scary GTA Thugz 4 Bush

Bush Fan #19

2004-12-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

"IF YOUR NOT WITH PRESIDENT BUSH YOU ARE NOT A GOOD AMERICAN...UNITED WE STAND DEVIDED WE FALL!"

B+
Pros: It's great when they write a lot because you get a better picture of a Bush fan's mental state. This one's especially good because it really sounds like it was written by either a second grader or an utter moron. The sentence quoted above is amazing not only because it's absolutely retarded, but because it contains "your" error number #3 (and 'devided' is great also)! Icing on the cake: picture of Cheney with a speech balloon coming out of his mouth that reads "Let's work together!"

Cons: Although having gruff Cheney say "Let's work together!" is pure comedy, it would have kinda been cool if he was saying something more along the lines of "Go fuck yourself!" In fact the entire post is too good-natured and not mean-spirited or threatening enough to get an A. Also, I would give anything to see a picture of the person who made this. I'm not sure if I should count the ones that don't include a picture of the submitter.

Bush Fan #18

2004-12-06T01:24:00.000-05:00

A+.

Pros: Ugliest couple ever.
and the holstered gun.
(That makes him gun-toting Bush supporter #7 AND Asian gun-toting Bush supporter #2!)
(Also, she's fat Bush supporter #7. And together they qualify for the second ugly Bush couple of the day. But who's counting.)

Bush Fan #17

2004-12-06T01:23:00.000-05:00

Party on Bush!
-Sincerely, morbidly obese women that drink diet Pepsi and the geeky guys that hang with them everywhere!

(A+ because she's holding her diet Pepsi like it's a prize)

Bush Fan #16

2004-12-06T01:06:00.000-05:00

YOU WIN!

A+:
Fat slob waving a little flag in an attic apartment = pure comedy. Bonus: Are those Christmas lights, a blacklight poster of a dragon, and Kleenex and lube in the background?

Bush Fan #15

2004-12-05T04:03:00.000-05:00

A fat asian from PA with a gun (and morals)!
A+.

Bush Fan #14

2004-12-05T03:54:00.000-05:00

What does Santa do during the rest of the year?
He's gun-toting Bush supporter #7!

Bush Fan #13

2004-12-05T02:51:00.000-05:00

I'm not sorry, but my school photographer is

Bush Fan #12

2004-12-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

Another vigilante superhero wannabe.
Crazy gun nut #6.
Raises some interesting questions:
Will he really let us all stay with him when "the terrorist" invades?
Does anyone on this site know how to spell you're?
Should it be a requirement for gun ownership?

Bush Fan #11

2004-12-04T13:03:00.000-05:00

Aw...a wannabe Navy Seal terrorist hunter...

"No terrorists in this fly over state, but I'm looking for them."

I bet he finds one working at the 7-11 and takes the law into his own hands.

Bush Fan #10

2004-12-04T12:45:00.000-05:00

Middle-aged comic book vigilante wannabes for Bush!

Bush Fan #9

2004-12-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

Crazy gun-toting right-wing jerk #3.

The RUSH IS RIGHT hat alone gets him an A+.

Bush Fan #8

2004-12-03T15:33:00.000-05:00

You and your dog wear matching bow-ties. You are the gayest fratboy ever.
And "intelligent, informed, and hard-working" doesn't sound like the Bush type of fratboy to me. You get a gentleman's C. KAPPA SIGMA SUCKS!

Email Update:
When I came to the South for law school, I had never seen a guy under the age of 70 wearing a bowtie (except with a tux). But here we have lots of good ol' boys that wear baseball hats w/ their bow ties and button downs -- I still giggle internally when I see guys my age wearing them.
-Renee

Bush Fan #7

2004-12-03T15:08:00.000-05:00

YEAH! Screw those IRAQIs behind 9/11.......

Bush Fan #6

2004-12-02T11:33:00.000-05:00

Hooray Bush! Die Queers!

Bush Fan #5

2004-12-02T11:13:00.000-05:00

YOU'LL BE SORRY IF I EVER CATCH YOU IN MUH SHED!

Bush Fan #4

2004-12-01T03:03:00.000-05:00

Gun: 2 points
Truck: 1 point
Crazy Beard: 3 points
No Dog: 0 points.
Telling Europe to Screw Itself: 1 point.
Redneck total: 7 points.

Bush Fan #3

2004-12-01T03:00:00.000-05:00

Child Molesters for Bush!!

Bush Fan #1

2004-12-01T02:36:00.001-05:00

What happens when hippies go bad, get fat.

Bush Fan #2

2004-12-01T02:36:00.000-05:00

your stupid. kinda cute. lose the flannel.

Rap lyrics that make me think of Columbia Law School:

2004-09-16T14:20:00.000-05:00

representing from the upper west
money makin’ putting me to the test
sometimes I feel as though I’ve been blessed
because I’m doing what I want
so I never rest
-Root Down* (Beastie Boys)

Hey yo straight from the Harlem streets
I don't play, I push it down with the Harlem Heat
-Bad Boy for Life (Puff Daddy)

we number one gunners
no we ain't stunners
It's real with us partna,
dealers and drug runners
-Gansta Nation (Westside Connection)

Competitors are slain by this intelligent gunner -
Quick to pop the trunk like an elephant hunter
-Won’t Stop (Copywrite)

*bonus Root Down lyrics:
Every morning I took the train to high street station
Doing homework on the train,
what a fucked up situation
On the way back up hearing battle tapes
Through the underground, underneath the sky scrapes

2004-09-04T14:41:00.000-05:00

Haikus

2004-08-04T18:15:00.000-05:00

I know so much stuff.
I am very insightful.
Have you read my blog?

Look at my laptop!
Ever see one so tiny?
It's from Korea!

Dear Talking Gunner,
I don't have time to listen ,
but still you prattle.

Silly girl in front ,
Why do you keep talking so?
Please be quiet now.

Instant messenger
makes class time tolerable.
Why pay attention?

Another day ends
at Columbia Law School.
Time to smoke some crack.

What's more addictive?
Mario Kart: Double Dash
only for Gamecube.

Then it's time to watch
the Paris Hilton sex tape
she's a spoiled slut.

Dropping out of school
shouldn't be that big a deal.
New job - prostitute.

I hear it pays well
if you don't mind getting fucked.
Same as legal work.

You Might be a Gunner

2004-07-20T03:05:00.000-05:00

If, out of the 150 students in your lecture hall, you're the only one on a first name basis with the professor - you might be a gunner.
If the amount of time you spend speaking in class is second only to the amount of time the professor spends speaking - you might be a gunner.
If you include yourself in EVERY conversation the professor has with EVERY student at the end of class - you might be a gunner.
If you literally run up to the professor at the end of class - you might be a gunner.
If you haven't missed an office hour yet - you might be a gunner.
If you were first on line to pick up the writing competition...and you camped out for it like it was tickets to star wars - you might be a gunner.
If you spend more time preparing for moot court than most appellate lawyers would spend on their supreme court arguments - you might be a gunner.
If you bring up your work or life experience in class ("Well, when I worked at the State Department....") - you might be a gunner.
If you wear a suit and tie to class and you didn't just come from an interview - you might be a gunner.
If you keep a blog detailing your exciting scholastic career - you might be a gunner.
If you didn't go home for Thanksgiving or on vacation for spring break so you could spend more quality time in the library - you might be a gunner.
....even though your Grandma was on her death bed - you might be a gunner.
If you wrote a book about your 1 L experience and made yourself sound like a freakish, neurotic tool - you might be a gunner.
If you sign your emails with a legal quote (from Holmes, Cardozo, etc.) and update it daily - you might be a gunner.
If you use a rolling backpack, and you're a healthy guy - you might be a gunner.
If you bring a textbook stand to class - you might be a gunner.
If you threw your wireless ethernet card out the window so you would have no distractions in class (not a bad idea) - you might be a gunner.
If you joined two different study groups just to make sure you weren't missing anything - you might be a gunner.
If you feel nauseous when people ask you to give them your notes when they missed class - you might be a gunner.
If you're an older student that patronizingly addresses your fellow classmates as 'sonny' or 'little lady' and lets them know that they're lacking in the real world experience you posses - you might be a gunner.
If you make sure to correct every little mistake your fellow students or professor may occasionally make - you might be a gunner.
If your comments in class often being "Well, this doesn't answer your question, but" or "I know this is off-topic but I just wanted to mention...." - you might be a gunner.
If your professor has ever stated he will not call on you for the rest of the day - you might be a gunner.
If you sit in the same seat in every class, especially if it's front row center - you might be a gunner.
If when you talk, you use the biggest words you can think of, and talk slowly so it seems like you're continually thinking really hard, and you make sure to reapply concepts previously taught by the professor - you might be a gunner.
If you actually read the 'suggested' reading, and reference the professor's published articles in class - you might be a gunner.
If you go to Chicago - you might be a gunner.
If you remind your classmates of that guy in Office Space who nods his head as Lumbergh talks about the consultants coming (trying to show Lumbergh that he's listening really closely) - you might be a gunner.
If you remind your classmates of Reese Witherspoon's character in Election - you might be a gunner.
If you refer to fellow students as "my colleagues" - you might be a gunner.
If you laugh loudly at every single lame law joke made by your professor - you might be a gunner.
If you have sex dreams about your professors - you might be a gunner.
If you attend your school's talent show, and at least one of the sketches includes an obnoxious character that appears to be modeled on your mannerisms and mode of dress - you might be a gunner.
If you find this list, printed and highlighted, on your seat in class one day - you might be a gunner.
If you find that you're the center square in your classmate's version of gunner bingo, well, then you probably are a gunner.

New Feature: You Might be a BUSH FAN!